The Illusion of Permanence | Childlosshealing

There is a particular kind of fear that appears when someone is in emotional pain.

It is not always loud.
It does not always announce itself clearly.

But it whispers something devastatingly simple:

This is how it will always be.

When pain is present for a long time, it stops feeling like an experience and starts feeling like an identity.
Not something you are moving through, but something you are.

And this is where suffering quietly deepens.

Not because pain exists,
but because the mind turns pain into permanence.

When Pain Stops Feeling Temporary

Emotional pain has a way of filling the entire inner space.

When you are inside it, there is no contrast.
No distance.
No reference point for something else.

From within this state, pain doesn’t feel like a phase.
It feels like reality itself.

This is why people say things like:

“I’ll never be the same again.”
“This changed me forever.”
“This is just who I am now.”

These statements are not exaggerations.
They are honest expressions of how the mind interprets pain when it has no space around it.

The mind does not experience time the way awareness does.
It experiences continuity.

And when pain is continuous, the mind assumes it is permanent.

How the Mind Turns Experience Into Identity

One of the mind’s primary functions is to create coherence.

It does this by forming stories:

• about who you are

• about what life means

• about what is possible

When pain enters the system and stays unresolved, the mind begins to weave it into the story of the self.

Pain becomes:

• “my grief”

• “my trauma”

• “my brokenness”

• “my loss”

Slowly, subtly, suffering becomes personalised.

Not because it truly defines you,
but because the mind is trying to make sense of an overwhelming experience.

This is the moment where pain stops being something you have
and starts feeling like something you are.

And this is where the illusion of permanence is born.

Why Pain Feels Eternal From Inside the Mind

It’s important to understand this clearly:

Pain feels permanent only from within the mind.

The mind operates through memory and anticipation.
It pulls the past forward and projects it into the future.

So when pain is present, the mind says:
“If this is happening now, it will keep happening.”

But this is not perception,
it is projection.

Awareness, on the other hand, does not project.
It observes.

And observation creates space.

Where there is space, there is movement.
Where there is movement, permanence dissolves.

Awareness Reveals That No Inner State Is Fixed

One of the most liberating discoveries in inner work is this:

No inner state is permanent.

Not sadness.
Not grief.
Not fear.
Not even joy.

Everything that appears within awareness is in motion.

But when awareness is absent, when the mind is dominant, movement is no longer felt.
Experience collapses into a single, unchanging sensation.

This is why awareness is not a philosophical idea, but a functional shift.

As awareness becomes present, the experience of pain changes, not because it disappears, but because it is no longer solid.

It becomes fluid.
Breathable.
Movable.

And once movement is felt, the belief in permanence begins to weaken.

The Difference Between Pain and Identification With Pain

Pain is a sensation.
Identification is a belief.

Pain says: This hurts.
Identification says: This is who I am now.

The suffering we associate with loss is often not only the pain itself,
but the belief that the pain defines us, limits us, or traps us.

This belief does not come from reality.
It comes from the mind’s attempt to create certainty in uncertainty.

But certainty built on pain is always false.

When identification loosens, something remarkable happens:

Pain may still be present.
but it no longer occupies the entire inner space.

And that changes everything.

Why Healing Begins When Permanence Is Questioned

Healing does not require you to deny pain.

It requires you to question the belief that pain is permanent.

The moment you begin to sense:
“This is an experience, not an identity,”
space opens.

And in that space, awareness can enter.

This is why healing often begins not with relief,
but with a subtle realisation:

Something in me is still here, untouched.

That realisation is not intellectual.
It is felt.

And once it is felt, the illusion of permanence begins to dissolve on its own.

You Are Not Stuck - You Are Inside a State

If you are reading this while experiencing emotional pain, there is something important to know:

You are not broken.
You are not finished.
You are not defined by what you feel.

You are inside a state and states change.

The belief that pain is permanent is not a truth about you.
It is a function of the mind under pressure.

Awareness reveals something gentler, truer, and more liberating:

Nothing that appears within you is fixed.

And when that is seen even briefly,
life begins to move again.

A quiet closing

If this touched something, there’s no need to act on it immediately.

Let it settle.
Let it move in its own time.

Sometimes understanding doesn’t come from doing more, but from allowing a different way of seeing to unfold.

If you feel drawn to explore this more gently, I’ve created a small, grounded resource that offers a calm entry point, without pressure, theory, or fixing.

You’ll find it here:

Grieving With Awareness - A Gentle Guide

Take it only if it feels supportive.
Nothing needs to be rushed.